School starts next Monday and I have a lot of shit to accomplish before that happens.

Work is stressing me out because people are starting to annoy me a lot.

Insurance will be coming sometime around the 10th, so I can finally see a sport's medicine specialist about my knees.

Emotionally I'm fine. Just a bit confused about how some things are going lately.

We'll see how this goes eh?

Things have been alright lately.

Illinois tournament was pretty fun. I forgot how enjoyable competing in good/uphill matches can be sometimes =) Questionable pad shit makes me upset though. I hate not knowing if I honestly deserved to win a match or not. I'm going to fill out my Rebirth and GOMX expansion pack scores whenever I get a chance to play ITG again (so never, haha).

My computer is fucking sweet and I love it. I just wish I was playing some sort of game on it =\

Been pretty bored lately. Wish my torrents would hurry up so I could play FF8/9 on emulator.

School starts on the 30th. I'm hoping that'll go well this time haha.

Next weekend I get my braces off. So fucking pumped!

That I can't shake this feeling, no matter how hard I try, that everything I do is hopeless.

A lot of happened in my life in the past six months. I hardly know where to begin.

I guess if you rewind to December 1st, everything was great. Moving to Columbus was a huge leap and I gained a lot out of it - a better working environment, closer to my boyfriend and a great deal of independence. I made a lot of friends even if I distanced myself from a few. Things were great.

Rocky Mount was a shitload of fun, but at quite a cost. I'm looking at about $450 from that fucking speeding ticket, so I can kiss half of my tax return goodbye. It was cool being at such a huge event. I've never been to such a huge gaming tournament before.

School started on January 5th. The more I saw OSU's campus, the more I was sure I made the right decision. Everything was so much bigger; seemed so much more important. The professors clearly had more of an idea what they were talking about. I enjoyed my TAs. Chemistry wasn't difficult at all at first, but the more the quarter went on, the more I realized how in over my head I was. This on top of the huge custerfuck that came out of my financial aid and school bill was too much to handle. So out of my little excursion from January 5th to January 21st, I lost about $3500 in loans and books as well as two Ws on my transcript. I can only pray they aren't going to affect my application to pharmacy school when it comes to that point =\ I start again in March, but I haven't decided what to take yet. It'll only be 6 credits for sure.

I don't really know when things started getting bad between Charles and I. Little things started turning into arguments. We started bickering way more than usual. Before I know it, I was sitting in my car outside his house facing the inevitability of a break up, listening to all the things that I did that bothered him, all my flaws and reasons why I wasn't the one. I've been down this road before, why does it still hurt this badly? Why does it drive me to think stupid, crazy things while I hopelessly try to fall asleep? Sometimes I wish he was just some guy and not my best friend. That frankly is what makes it so difficult - to know that there's someone out there you care about, and you know cares about you, but because of small, stupid, petty reasons, you're not meant to be together. Somehow I feel more alone than I did even before when I had never had a boyfriend. I know I could and probably will find someone else but I don't really want to. Somehow, I have this hopeless idealism that maybe not a year or two from now, but maybe five years from now we'll find ourself in the same position we did last December.

I really have nothing else to do with my life but work and work out. I'm working 48 hours this week, but I might lay off on the overtime until a couple weeks after Morehead. (I'm assuming thats still going down?) I can't say I regret moving here because I still have a lot going for me, but enough has happened to make me reconsider my actions.

Here's to hoping things get better and not even worse.